Quiet time reflection.
Boxes. Judgments. Assumptions.
Reading last night, I saw how we interpret people's words/actions without all their information. We assume then we put them into that box. Our interpretation of today's dealings with them is biased by yesterday's judgment. My psychologist says we turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our future relations with them are determined by our interpretation which is real to us, but may not be real to them. But it locks us into strains and stresses that needn't be there if we will just break out of the habit of box-making.
We all need to learn the truth of 1 Cor 2:11,
"For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?"
How often have I created issues first in my mind, and THEN by my reactions, in my relationships with others? We need to learn not to respond based on our own flawed view of past experiences. I need to listen, and to also be not afraid to share my own thoughts.
The book I am reading is showing me that my own reaction to these things is to become silent. That silence can be read by others as disapproval, judgment, hatred, whatever their box tells them. For me it is confusion and not finding words to say. I must break out of that fear to enter into genuine loving open communication that builds trust and assurance.
Two points where I frequently hurt those I love, are shown to me by the same book:
1. Assumptions. I assume you feel this or that, and I take on hurt or react accordingly. I think it's something to do with me being "needy" in a way. If my security is internal, I won't feel insecure when you have a different opinion or a complaint about me or someone close to me. If I don't ASSUME what you are saying, I will be free to listen to everything you say with interest, and will be free to interact with you about it instead of either suppressing my opinions or trying to finish your sentences (usually incorrectly!) for you.
2. Absence. When I make assumptions and live in internal fear and conflictions about life, I retreat internally. I become "absent". You could often say about me, "The light's on but nobody is home". This is a hard one for me to break, as it is now a deeply ingrained fault. But I confess it as one of my sins to my wife and children, and ask you all to bear with me and give me grace as I work to overcome it.
Today's chapter of Proverbs (ch 11) says in v.27,
"The one who searches for good finds favour,
But if someone looks for trouble, it will come to him."
Let us all be looking for the good and not the bad.
Boxes. Judgments. Assumptions.
Reading last night, I saw how we interpret people's words/actions without all their information. We assume then we put them into that box. Our interpretation of today's dealings with them is biased by yesterday's judgment. My psychologist says we turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our future relations with them are determined by our interpretation which is real to us, but may not be real to them. But it locks us into strains and stresses that needn't be there if we will just break out of the habit of box-making.
We all need to learn the truth of 1 Cor 2:11,
"For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?"
How often have I created issues first in my mind, and THEN by my reactions, in my relationships with others? We need to learn not to respond based on our own flawed view of past experiences. I need to listen, and to also be not afraid to share my own thoughts.
The book I am reading is showing me that my own reaction to these things is to become silent. That silence can be read by others as disapproval, judgment, hatred, whatever their box tells them. For me it is confusion and not finding words to say. I must break out of that fear to enter into genuine loving open communication that builds trust and assurance.
Two points where I frequently hurt those I love, are shown to me by the same book:
1. Assumptions. I assume you feel this or that, and I take on hurt or react accordingly. I think it's something to do with me being "needy" in a way. If my security is internal, I won't feel insecure when you have a different opinion or a complaint about me or someone close to me. If I don't ASSUME what you are saying, I will be free to listen to everything you say with interest, and will be free to interact with you about it instead of either suppressing my opinions or trying to finish your sentences (usually incorrectly!) for you.
2. Absence. When I make assumptions and live in internal fear and conflictions about life, I retreat internally. I become "absent". You could often say about me, "The light's on but nobody is home". This is a hard one for me to break, as it is now a deeply ingrained fault. But I confess it as one of my sins to my wife and children, and ask you all to bear with me and give me grace as I work to overcome it.
Today's chapter of Proverbs (ch 11) says in v.27,
"The one who searches for good finds favour,
But if someone looks for trouble, it will come to him."
Let us all be looking for the good and not the bad.
