Come and breathe
Your breath on me Lord
Come and breathe
As you said in your Word
Come and breathe
On my heart and my soul
On these dry bones Lord
Breathe and make me whole.
Come and breathe
On our family Lord
Come and breathe
So they can be free
Come and breathe
On our hearts and souls
On these dry bones Lord;
Breathe and make us whole.
We're not our own
Bought with the Blood
Before your throne
Called by love
Jesus Christ our Lord of glory
This has been our lifelong story
Spirit call, restore us all,
Let walls be smashed and mercy fall,
We pray; we pray.
With wounded lives, torn apart,
Forgiveness flow, restore our hearts;
Every chain and bondage be
Broken down on bended knee;
May love and grace bring new embrace,
Let joy and peace come fill this place,
We pray; we pray.
Restore our family,
Come Holy Spirit, set us free;
Bring healing love to change our hearts,
We pray; we pray.
Lord of life we need your power
Every day and every hour;
Surrender Lord, to you in every way,
We pray.
Copyright 2012 M.Scott-Branagan
Monday, 30 April 2012
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Love Dare day 17 Love promotes Intimacy
Love promotes intimacy
The author talks about the intimacy of a marriage relationship from the perspective of knowing each other most deeply. Knowing the most secret parts of what makes up our partner, and allowing them to feel safe in entrusting all of themselves to you. It's about our very deepest need to be loved and accepted.
The author goes on to say that if home is not my safest place, I might be tempted to seek the safety I need elsewhere. Which is a very dangerous thing! It could lead to adultery; or to losing yourself in a hobby or a habit which can distance you from your partner and create separation within your most important relationship.
My wife should not feel pressured to measure up in any way so as to receive my approval. She must be allowed to know that she is fully loved, accepted and appreciated entirely as herself. She should not have any reason for fear of any sort in our relationship - definitely not fear of mistreatment or abuse, but also not needing to tread carefully in being who she is. And the same for me. We should be both able to speak freely and know that our opinions and feelings will be listened to, and respected. Like Adam and Eve, we should be able to be physically and emotionally "naked" and "not ashamed" right here in our marriage.
Right at this point, I have to acknowledge that for a long time I failed to provide that safety for Liz. I was afraid in myself, insecure in myself, and I didn't cope well in adjusting to the deeper level of communication at first.
I grew up hiding my feelings, perhaps ashamed somehow of who I was. I grew up in a home that had plenty of love, but where hard issues were not really discussed, and where "tact" was emphasized. But this "tact" simply taught me to not be open and honest with my feelings. In our home, hints and suggestions were often how we communicated about awkward topics.
Liz, on the other hand, was taught the way of honest and open communication. If you don't like something, say so. If something is bothering you, don't bottle it up. Talk about it. Find a solution.
I didn't know how to handle such openness. I didn't even recognize it as such. Even though I had cried out for openness and intelligent conversation about hard issues in my first marriage, when it actually came my way with Liz, I couldn't recognize it. All I could interpret it as was attack. I felt attacked. I felt attacked for my failings, attacked for my children's failings, and I felt unloved and unappreciated and unvalued.
The reality is, and it took nearly losing Liz for me to finally learn it, that Liz was simply TALKING TO ME on a level I had craved but never known. She was NOT undervaluing me: she was actually valuing me enough to trust me with her feelings, her fears, her thoughts. And i failed her trust right there! She was not pulling anyone or anything down - she was JUST COMMUNICATING as she should be able to.
I couldn't understand that. And I went into serious meltdown. I became defensive and reacted. In my hurting and terrified state I communicated more openly with our adult children than with Liz. I engaged in conversations that should not ever have been held, and in my fear of being found out and further damaging our relationship, I covered up and lied about them.
So ... Have I given Liz reasons to feel safe with me? Have I allowed her the security I wanted so much to give her? I didn't at all !!
It did all come out into the open. And we have worked through a lot of that. Does she feel safe with me again? I really hope so. Has all the damage I caused her soul been healed? Not fully. It takes time to regain trust when it has been broken.
Had Liz given up on me? Gratefully I can say, at least she hung on. Even when she wanted to walk, her character was strong enough to hold her. And now things are getting a lot better. Trust is still being rebuilt. But we are getting on much better and our communication is rewarding. I am learning to talk and hopefully showing Liz that I can be trusted. But it will take time. In my fear, insecurity and foolishness I nearly destroyed our future. I am just so grateful that she didn't give up on me, on us.
The author talks about the intimacy of a marriage relationship from the perspective of knowing each other most deeply. Knowing the most secret parts of what makes up our partner, and allowing them to feel safe in entrusting all of themselves to you. It's about our very deepest need to be loved and accepted.
The author goes on to say that if home is not my safest place, I might be tempted to seek the safety I need elsewhere. Which is a very dangerous thing! It could lead to adultery; or to losing yourself in a hobby or a habit which can distance you from your partner and create separation within your most important relationship.
My wife should not feel pressured to measure up in any way so as to receive my approval. She must be allowed to know that she is fully loved, accepted and appreciated entirely as herself. She should not have any reason for fear of any sort in our relationship - definitely not fear of mistreatment or abuse, but also not needing to tread carefully in being who she is. And the same for me. We should be both able to speak freely and know that our opinions and feelings will be listened to, and respected. Like Adam and Eve, we should be able to be physically and emotionally "naked" and "not ashamed" right here in our marriage.
Right at this point, I have to acknowledge that for a long time I failed to provide that safety for Liz. I was afraid in myself, insecure in myself, and I didn't cope well in adjusting to the deeper level of communication at first.
I grew up hiding my feelings, perhaps ashamed somehow of who I was. I grew up in a home that had plenty of love, but where hard issues were not really discussed, and where "tact" was emphasized. But this "tact" simply taught me to not be open and honest with my feelings. In our home, hints and suggestions were often how we communicated about awkward topics.
Liz, on the other hand, was taught the way of honest and open communication. If you don't like something, say so. If something is bothering you, don't bottle it up. Talk about it. Find a solution.
I didn't know how to handle such openness. I didn't even recognize it as such. Even though I had cried out for openness and intelligent conversation about hard issues in my first marriage, when it actually came my way with Liz, I couldn't recognize it. All I could interpret it as was attack. I felt attacked. I felt attacked for my failings, attacked for my children's failings, and I felt unloved and unappreciated and unvalued.
The reality is, and it took nearly losing Liz for me to finally learn it, that Liz was simply TALKING TO ME on a level I had craved but never known. She was NOT undervaluing me: she was actually valuing me enough to trust me with her feelings, her fears, her thoughts. And i failed her trust right there! She was not pulling anyone or anything down - she was JUST COMMUNICATING as she should be able to.
I couldn't understand that. And I went into serious meltdown. I became defensive and reacted. In my hurting and terrified state I communicated more openly with our adult children than with Liz. I engaged in conversations that should not ever have been held, and in my fear of being found out and further damaging our relationship, I covered up and lied about them.
So ... Have I given Liz reasons to feel safe with me? Have I allowed her the security I wanted so much to give her? I didn't at all !!
It did all come out into the open. And we have worked through a lot of that. Does she feel safe with me again? I really hope so. Has all the damage I caused her soul been healed? Not fully. It takes time to regain trust when it has been broken.
Had Liz given up on me? Gratefully I can say, at least she hung on. Even when she wanted to walk, her character was strong enough to hold her. And now things are getting a lot better. Trust is still being rebuilt. But we are getting on much better and our communication is rewarding. I am learning to talk and hopefully showing Liz that I can be trusted. But it will take time. In my fear, insecurity and foolishness I nearly destroyed our future. I am just so grateful that she didn't give up on me, on us.
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