I really struggled again with this one. Love is accountable. In marriage we have to learn how to be accountable to each other, without losing our own identities. I don't think I have been very good at that. Most of my life I have given up who I am, and what I think, for the sake of keeping peace, or for acceptance, or out of fear of rejection. In codependent relationships I was a classic "enabler", needing to serve, to be "selfless", to make the sacrifices for the sake of the other person. I think I have been like that in home life, with my children, and even at work, where I would take up the slack for my staff or colleagues rather than gently requiring them to be accountable.
I guess that appearing to be accountable is a great way to avoid real accountability. And that is why, although I am good at doing things in love for Liz and our family and my colleagues, really I often(no: frequently)fail to accountably achieve the things I should be doing, the important things that are my responsibility.
This is my challenge, now that I have identified it like this. To stop trying to be accountable for everybody else, and become accountable - genuinely accountable - for the things of real importance in life, that I am responsible for.
I have struggled through this challenge and taken much longer with it than any other Day in the Love Dare. I couldn't go past it glibly, lying to myself that I had "done it". I actually couldn't see how to apply it in the best way to my own life. Now I do.
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