Today's study looks at the importance of praying together. So for the last month (since my last post here) I have been working at redeveloping the good habit of praying with Liz before I go to bed each night.
We can think of old slogans like "The family that prays together stays together". It is vital for any marriage that we pray for each other, and we pray together. Liz has sometimes said she needs me to be the spiritual leader. That's true. It's the right order. So my commitment, as well as praying for her often in my own prayer times through the day, is to pray with her each night.
Sometimes I forget, and instead of going back downstairs I just pray as I get into bed. But often I remember my commitment and go down to her and pray.
I am working at this, a most basic part as it should be, of our relationship. I am ashamed that I ever let the spiritual side of our marriage slip as it did. But I am not letting it stay that way. I will lead well, and I will set the right patterns and examples.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
Love Dare Day 36 Love is God's Word
Hmmm... I was reading the Bible faithfully every day. I had even picked up some of my theology books and wondered about starting to work through them. What happened?
The pain of life's ups and downs seems to have distracted me - along with my addictive nature. Coping with the struggles and tensions that have gone on with some of my daughters, and the pressures of work, have swamped me a little.
So what do I do? Normally my better response has been to write songs of worship, and sit and play the piano or guitar. And to pray. And I was praying quite a lot. And I was writing songs.
Then somehow I got distracted by games on my iPhone, such as Boggle, and soon afterwards I found the fun of Instagram. In between I read a few novels on the bus, using my Kindle. Prior to that I had been using the Kindle for my Bible reading. On the bus.
How easily do the thorns and weeds come up to choke the life out of what the Sower has sown!!! The parable is so true.
Time for me to restore my commitment to the Word. I still pray. Quite a lot. It's time to read the Word, sing, write songs again. Any time I stop doing what I was created to do, stress consumes me. I must be who I was made to be.
Read the Word. Daily. Worship. Daily. That's the best way I can love Liz too, by being who I should be, and bring blessing into our home by being in proper communion with God.
Day 36 (22-11-2011)
God's Word
Read daily. Live in it. Live under its authority. Let it guide my life.
Started reading with family last night after dinner. Just a text that had hit my heart.
Will be good if Liz is comfortable for a short read of the Word just together with her daily??
Day 36, 13th Jan
Love is God's Word
We need the guidance and empowerment of the Word.
Commit to reading it and feeding on it. Preferably together.
The pain of life's ups and downs seems to have distracted me - along with my addictive nature. Coping with the struggles and tensions that have gone on with some of my daughters, and the pressures of work, have swamped me a little.
So what do I do? Normally my better response has been to write songs of worship, and sit and play the piano or guitar. And to pray. And I was praying quite a lot. And I was writing songs.
Then somehow I got distracted by games on my iPhone, such as Boggle, and soon afterwards I found the fun of Instagram. In between I read a few novels on the bus, using my Kindle. Prior to that I had been using the Kindle for my Bible reading. On the bus.
How easily do the thorns and weeds come up to choke the life out of what the Sower has sown!!! The parable is so true.
Time for me to restore my commitment to the Word. I still pray. Quite a lot. It's time to read the Word, sing, write songs again. Any time I stop doing what I was created to do, stress consumes me. I must be who I was made to be.
Read the Word. Daily. Worship. Daily. That's the best way I can love Liz too, by being who I should be, and bring blessing into our home by being in proper communion with God.
Day 36 (22-11-2011)
God's Word
Read daily. Live in it. Live under its authority. Let it guide my life.
Started reading with family last night after dinner. Just a text that had hit my heart.
Will be good if Liz is comfortable for a short read of the Word just together with her daily??
Day 36, 13th Jan
Love is God's Word
We need the guidance and empowerment of the Word.
Commit to reading it and feeding on it. Preferably together.
Monday, 10 September 2012
Day 35 LOVE IS ACCOUNTABLE
I really struggled again with this one. Love is accountable. In marriage we have to learn how to be accountable to each other, without losing our own identities. I don't think I have been very good at that. Most of my life I have given up who I am, and what I think, for the sake of keeping peace, or for acceptance, or out of fear of rejection. In codependent relationships I was a classic "enabler", needing to serve, to be "selfless", to make the sacrifices for the sake of the other person. I think I have been like that in home life, with my children, and even at work, where I would take up the slack for my staff or colleagues rather than gently requiring them to be accountable.
I guess that appearing to be accountable is a great way to avoid real accountability. And that is why, although I am good at doing things in love for Liz and our family and my colleagues, really I often(no: frequently)fail to accountably achieve the things I should be doing, the important things that are my responsibility.
This is my challenge, now that I have identified it like this. To stop trying to be accountable for everybody else, and become accountable - genuinely accountable - for the things of real importance in life, that I am responsible for.
I have struggled through this challenge and taken much longer with it than any other Day in the Love Dare. I couldn't go past it glibly, lying to myself that I had "done it". I actually couldn't see how to apply it in the best way to my own life. Now I do.
I guess that appearing to be accountable is a great way to avoid real accountability. And that is why, although I am good at doing things in love for Liz and our family and my colleagues, really I often(no: frequently)fail to accountably achieve the things I should be doing, the important things that are my responsibility.
This is my challenge, now that I have identified it like this. To stop trying to be accountable for everybody else, and become accountable - genuinely accountable - for the things of real importance in life, that I am responsible for.
I have struggled through this challenge and taken much longer with it than any other Day in the Love Dare. I couldn't go past it glibly, lying to myself that I had "done it". I actually couldn't see how to apply it in the best way to my own life. Now I do.
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Day 34 LOVE CELEBRATES GODLINESS
Text: 1 Cor 13:6
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.
Last time through I wrote:
"Day 34 (10th Jan )
"Love celebrates godliness.
"What examples do I set?
Do I model & live a life that is pleasing to God? How do I lead my family?
"Does my home life honour or dishonor God?
"Am I spiritually responsible?"
****************
The challenge to me today, actually it has been for many days that I have been working through this one, is to be godly myself, and to encourage godliness in my relationship and in our home.
Rejoicing in the truth. The truth is that Jesus Christ is Lord. So that means honoring Him and seeking to encourage respect and honour for Him in our family. I am challenged in my own lifestyle, my prayer life, and in the example I set.
Once I set that example, I think fairly well. I still had plenty of faults, but I led my family more strongly and clearly as a Christian man. I prayed with them, taught my children to love to worship, and never missed church. My example has been less than that in recent years, and I repent of my slackness. I truly want and intend to be the godly example I should be, that my wife and family need me to be.
I have been trying to work on this recently. I desperately want to be a good man whom my wife and family can respect an follow. I equally desperately want to be pleasing to my Lord and Saviour.
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.
Last time through I wrote:
"Day 34 (10th Jan )
"Love celebrates godliness.
"What examples do I set?
Do I model & live a life that is pleasing to God? How do I lead my family?
"Does my home life honour or dishonor God?
"Am I spiritually responsible?"
****************
The challenge to me today, actually it has been for many days that I have been working through this one, is to be godly myself, and to encourage godliness in my relationship and in our home.
Rejoicing in the truth. The truth is that Jesus Christ is Lord. So that means honoring Him and seeking to encourage respect and honour for Him in our family. I am challenged in my own lifestyle, my prayer life, and in the example I set.
Once I set that example, I think fairly well. I still had plenty of faults, but I led my family more strongly and clearly as a Christian man. I prayed with them, taught my children to love to worship, and never missed church. My example has been less than that in recent years, and I repent of my slackness. I truly want and intend to be the godly example I should be, that my wife and family need me to be.
I have been trying to work on this recently. I desperately want to be a good man whom my wife and family can respect an follow. I equally desperately want to be pleasing to my Lord and Saviour.
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Day 33 Love Completes Each Other
Each of us is a complete person in our own right. We need to be able to live, each as a whole person, without needing another to complete us. We should be able to function normally and successfully by ourselves.
BUT ... God created marriage because we also DO need to be in deep, intimate fellowship, strengthened and strengthening, sharing, empowering together.
"It is not good for man to be alone".
"Two are better than one".
"But how can one be warm alone?"
We need the strength of unity, the bond that intimacy brings, the support of unconditional love.
Whether we share the same opinion, or if our positions differ, in marriage there is always someone who "has your back" and will support and encourage.
Too often we can focus on the differences as "bad", but there can be healthy reasons for diversity. The study points out how in marriage we can complement each other, bringing a balance.
Each of us has good, strong points. But left to themselves, these qualities could become faults. In much of our marriage there are opposites at work. The secret lies in using the power of BALANCE that these opposite brings, and to create even better results than just one of us could produce.
It is very easy to look at the areas in your spouse that are opposite to your own qualities, finding them hard to accept, and misunderstand them. Because we see from our OWN perspective. God gives opposites to bless and to create something stronger, blending two sides to make one complete entity, more powerful and effective.
BUT ... God created marriage because we also DO need to be in deep, intimate fellowship, strengthened and strengthening, sharing, empowering together.
"It is not good for man to be alone".
"Two are better than one".
"But how can one be warm alone?"
We need the strength of unity, the bond that intimacy brings, the support of unconditional love.
Whether we share the same opinion, or if our positions differ, in marriage there is always someone who "has your back" and will support and encourage.
Too often we can focus on the differences as "bad", but there can be healthy reasons for diversity. The study points out how in marriage we can complement each other, bringing a balance.
Each of us has good, strong points. But left to themselves, these qualities could become faults. In much of our marriage there are opposites at work. The secret lies in using the power of BALANCE that these opposite brings, and to create even better results than just one of us could produce.
It is very easy to look at the areas in your spouse that are opposite to your own qualities, finding them hard to accept, and misunderstand them. Because we see from our OWN perspective. God gives opposites to bless and to create something stronger, blending two sides to make one complete entity, more powerful and effective.
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Day 32 Love Meets Sexual Needs
The challenge today is pretty clear by the title. There are quotations from Scripture, regarding roles and responsibilities in marriage.
There is also reference to the concept of One Flesh. And romance.
Part of meeting sexual needs is the emotional side of it. The challenge to me, today, for our marriage is to meet the needs that Liz has emotionally. To be affectionate, but also to give her more time. To listen more. To just stop, and actually communicate more without being distracted by other things.
We both need this. I need Liz to listen to me, and she needs me to listen to her. By listening, by truly listening, Liz can know and feel that she actually is number one in my life. If she is pushed to the end of the line, or I am distracted by other things when we talk, the message I give is that she is less important than all those things.
So for me, today, my challenge is a repeat of so many before: listen to Liz, let her know by my actions and my listening that she really is valued. Then I can create the right atmosphere for romance to blossom.
Romance is seen differently by male and female. I need to treat Liz romantically, but in the way she feels it. To meet her needs, not mine. To be selfless. I always thought I was selfless. Now it's time to become it.
There is also reference to the concept of One Flesh. And romance.
Part of meeting sexual needs is the emotional side of it. The challenge to me, today, for our marriage is to meet the needs that Liz has emotionally. To be affectionate, but also to give her more time. To listen more. To just stop, and actually communicate more without being distracted by other things.
We both need this. I need Liz to listen to me, and she needs me to listen to her. By listening, by truly listening, Liz can know and feel that she actually is number one in my life. If she is pushed to the end of the line, or I am distracted by other things when we talk, the message I give is that she is less important than all those things.
So for me, today, my challenge is a repeat of so many before: listen to Liz, let her know by my actions and my listening that she really is valued. Then I can create the right atmosphere for romance to blossom.
Romance is seen differently by male and female. I need to treat Liz romantically, but in the way she feels it. To meet her needs, not mine. To be selfless. I always thought I was selfless. Now it's time to become it.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Day 31 Love & Marriage
This study looks at the principle of "leaving & cleaving". The main focus is on separation from the controlling influences of our respective parents. That isn't really a problem for us. Any such thing had been well dealt with and left behind.
More important for us is the "cleaving". Cleaving to each other. Becoming "one" in our life together. Not divided by differences. Not separated by influences from our past. Not caught in perpetual disagreement. But rather, choosing to come into agreement in the important things of life.
Unity is so important. We need this unity more than ever. Putting aside our own expectations and ideas in favour of finding unity in creating a common ground. Choosing to be in agreement instead of disagreement. Not one person saying "I'm right. You have to do it my way". Rather humility on both sides is necessary to have a healthy relationship.
This is what I am working on, trying hard to do. And will continue to do so. Because I love Liz and I am determined to make our marriage the best and strongest it can possibly be.
More important for us is the "cleaving". Cleaving to each other. Becoming "one" in our life together. Not divided by differences. Not separated by influences from our past. Not caught in perpetual disagreement. But rather, choosing to come into agreement in the important things of life.
Unity is so important. We need this unity more than ever. Putting aside our own expectations and ideas in favour of finding unity in creating a common ground. Choosing to be in agreement instead of disagreement. Not one person saying "I'm right. You have to do it my way". Rather humility on both sides is necessary to have a healthy relationship.
This is what I am working on, trying hard to do. And will continue to do so. Because I love Liz and I am determined to make our marriage the best and strongest it can possibly be.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)