CHERISH
It really is a beautiful word. It speaks volumes and has amazing power now. I have been meditating on it for over a week.
CHERISH
My challenge to myself has been:
Because I love Liz, and because I love our family, my choice is to stop and cherish. When something happens that would previously have triggered a reaction in me, I stop and remind myself that I am not going to allow negative thoughts to control me. So often we all behave in ways that don't reflect the truth that we love the people closest to us. Now I choose to remember that I actually do cherish.
What this means practically is that I stop myself feeling negative, and I actively allow feelings of love and goodwill towards whoever it may be. It really works!!! I have been amazed.
After many years of either reacting or bottling up my feelings (probably a pattern formed in my childhood) I am actually learning to disperse them and replace them with good feelings. I didn't know I could do that!
When I feel the old patterns of response coming on, I am recognizing them and before too long I am then feeling good instead of bad.
One thing this is doing for me, is tied up with how I see and interpret the things Liz says and does. Whereas before I seemed to always go into defensive mode internally, it has been helping me to sit back and see the bigger picture.
Where I (& I think my girls) fell badly was in not understanding Liz' motivation in our communications. Because I am now looking at her through different eyes, I am seeing how she speaks from her heart with a passion for my children that I didn't understand or recognize before. I see that she cares, therefore she speaks. And I am able to no longer be controlled by reactive patterns as I previously did. Where I felt she was judging the girls, now I see her fighting for their well-being. I was so blind! Blinded by my own preconceptions and inner mess.
I still have trouble speaking from my heart. Too often I hurt my family because they feel anger or judgment (I think) in my tone and body language, where I don't see it until later. But this key of CHERISHING has helped me turn a huge corner.
Where people over the years have seen me as gentle and kind, and I have believed their publicity, I now see how inside was festering and foul. I am still carrying the legacy of not growing up when I should have, and avoiding my responsibilities, and being led by my emotions.
Now I am changing. Late, at 50, but now I am seeing. It's to my shame that my misperceptions of life meant that I didn't train my children better, and that I avoided conflict, meaning that I left huge gaps in their training. But I determine to make a difference as a man of resolution and courage from this day on.
And to keep learning how to CHERISH.
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