Day 12 (14th To 21st Feb)
LOVE LETS THE OTHER WIN
When we first marry as idealistic young people, it is not difficult to put the other person first.
Other issues soon come into play, because character flaws are not yet put to death. Opinions, selfishness, stubbornness, habits of judgment. Most all perhaps, competition. Growing up in a family with siblings, then school - we learn to compete. Part of maturity means not having to always be right, always the best.
In relationships we learn to put down our own need to feel good, to prove ourselves, to be on top. What we need is to put these to death. A relationship is about being willing. An attitude & spirit of cooperation.
"The palm tree endures the greatest winds because it knows how to bend."
Phil 2:5 have this attitude which was also in Christ Jesus. Humble submission. Willingness to lay down your own life, your own rights, and glory.
I have worked hard to lay down my own need to be "right" and to listen, and allow Liz her say. I defer to her opinion in most issues, seeking to just be humble and not think too highly of my own opinion. In many things she really does show better wisdom and insight anyway. For the other things, why should I insist on "my" way? Isn't cooperation and mutual love better?
Generally that's how I live.
But sometimes I get it horribly wrong.
Last night I was weighed heavily with some things on my heart, and instead of waiting until Liz was ready to talk, I made the talk happen straight away. What a FOOL I was.
You should expect me to know by now.
When someone isn't ready to talk, perhaps still processing things, needing time, you DON'T make them talk. It's wrong. I was wrong.
So because my love didn't "let the other win" we are now back at an impasse. Again. Fifty years old and two and a half times through the Love Dare, doing it because I love, cherish and adore my wife, and I have blown it AGAIN.
If anyone reads these posts, please pray for us. Pray for healing. Pray for me to learn to discern and to listen and to observe, and pray for me to be a better husband.
God know Liz deserves that.
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