Day 26. Personal Responsibility

The first time through The Love Dare, on Day 26 I made the following list, which became the basis of a letter of very serious apology to Liz. I won't give here the letter, but it was something I wrestled with determination to complete.

I meant it with all my heart, and I still do. The legacy of my faults still affects our relationship, although Liz did forgive me. Trust broken is a hard thing to regain.

"Broken promises; Impatience; Lust; Seducing; Backsliding; Not seeking help before marriage; Control; Manipulation; Impurity; Resentment; Shutting down; Not sharing my honest opinions; Involved others; Deceiving; Lying; Justifying; Self righteousness.

"Masks of being:
Loving; Caring; Gentle; Generous; Forgiving; Giving; Genuinely concerned."

Regardless of the truth of some of these masks as part of my character, as I searched my heart I had to ask myself whether I perhaps wore these qualities as masks because of my own insecurities. I had to conclude that often these masks were used to control, to make myself feel better, to get the results I wanted.

This Day (taking several days to work through) became the major turning point of our relationship. As I took serious responsibility for my faults instead of blaming Liz in my heart for our problems, she was able to process some of the struggles and found forgiveness for me.


The 2nd time through I wrote:
Day 26 (24th/25th Dec)

"Love is responsible.

"Taking full responsibility for myself, for my role in the home and at work, taking full responsibility for the health of our marriage.

"Not blaming, not even allowing myself to ever think on anything I may perceive as failure or fault in Liz. But willing only to take responsibility as husband, as the man, and to grow up and BE the man of wisdom, action, decision and strength that God created me to be.

"It is time to take the wheel.

"Bible readings today:

"Gen 32:24ff
"'Jacob wrestled ALL NIGHT and saw that he needed to hang on for a blessing. He was strong and tenacious. Just as he proved by working 20 years for a selfish relative.'

"1 Tim 1:1-2
"Do I really recognize my need for Gods authority and blessing? Is Jesus truly my hope? Am I a true child of God? How faithful have I been?

"The Sandfords write about the need to be in fellowship, in corporate praise, having Communion regularly, for me to remain and walk clean. I have preached this myself, many times. Where has my obedience and faithfulness gone?

"It is time for me to be the man, take responsibility for myself, my marriage, my family, and regain what I have lost. Only here will I find the hope and the miracles to save my family and find healing for us all."

Back to 19th June 2012.

It's amazing how we slip as humans, and forget the good we have attained. We make decisions and forget to follow through. We see the great results, then later find ourselves missing out on them. Or is that just me?

I have to remind myself daily of my choices, to stay walking in the best ways. I love Liz so very dearly, but I forget to take the time to let her feel loved. I speak my love to her. But I must never forget to keep blessing her so she feels loved. I tell her she is beautiful, but I must remember to take time to do the things that let her know it's not just nice words.

I choose again to keep taking responsibility as husband, to make the difference in our relationship. To not allow myself to look at Liz' faults, and to be more serious about dealing with my own.