This has been a difficult one for me to work through. In all of these studies I try to take something that will be a challenge to my own life, to help me become a better husband for Liz.
As a young man I struggled with lust. But I was determined to win over it, and I think I have. So I have been taking my time with this study. I didn't want to just pass it by, and perhaps seem as if I was avoiding the topic for some reason.
So I needed to dig deeper. What is lust? It is strong desire, usually for something that is not a healthy "want" for us. It is a strong desire that dominates our thoughts enough to put us out of balance.
The most obvious form of lust is sexual. Hence the story of David and Bathsheba, Samson & Delilah, hence the huge problems in our world today with paedophilia, pornography, etc.
We can also have lust, or strong desire that takes us over to the point of sin, in many other ways.
In our society we talk of someone having a "lust for life", & that is a good thing. Unless it turns into boundary-breaking that affects others and leads to bad behaviour, or drug abuse.
Christian faith is a very good thing. Unfortunately some take it too far and in their religious fervour it becomes an obsession which destroys families and communities. I have lived through situations where a pastor's desire to produce a church that pleased God was so strong it became a sort of lust to control and dominate, sadly causing churches to fall apart and causing Christians to lose their faith. I have lived through at least 2 of these situations and observed several others.
Perhaps an area where I have failed to control myself is in the area of worship. I love to write songs that will please God and touch hearts of worshippers. But it can also become my escape from life. Many times my family has missed out on my attention because my head has been lost in my music.
Worship is good. Music is good. The calling and giftings on my life are in music. But I must never let my need to create music deprive my family of the love, provision, discipline, watchful protection that they need. Does Liz really know I love her, if my head is so full of my newest song that I can't tell her what she just said to me? Do my girls know I really love them, if my obsession with going to the secret place of my music keeps me from listening to them properly, or worse: keeps me from acting to protect them from neglect and abuse they received as children (not from Liz - we only married in 2009).
Is it too easy to hide in a world of worship and avoid life? Is my "lust" to write actually fueled also by a fear of confrontation perhaps? Not that music is wrong. I was created to be creative - we were all made in the image of the Creator. But clearly I must find a balance. Before its too late for my children. And for the sake of Liz and our marriage. She needs to know she matters to me, more than my music, more than my own comfort, more than my own need to hide away.
It's time for me to change these things. Please if you read this, pray for me, that I will have strength and grace to break out of following my own desires, to learn to control them instead, and to be truly free to just live in my family, live as a good husband and father, without the lust or need to hide away.
The previous time through the Love Dare, I wrote:
Lust is the opposite of love.
Lust is deep desire that draws me away from God or my spouse.
It may be anything - desire for more money, possessions, etc.
Eyes heart actions
The first time through I questioned my need to be an enabler or servant in codependent relationships as being a type of lust. I think I have worked through a large part of that. I hope the tendency toward codependency has become much weaker in my life. I think it has. Still there, but being killed off little by little.
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