The study today talks about encouragement. The need for us to build each other up. Encouraging, supporting, making it possible for our partner to keep going, keep believing, keep strong.
A large aspect touched on in the study is to challenge us regarding the flip side of the topic. How do we discourage our spouse? What am I doing, what should I NOT be doing, that perhaps gives her the feeling of not being supported and loved? Do I let Liz know I believe in her? I think I do this. I tell her often that I love her, and try to encourage her in her struggles with physical pain and tough emotional issues. And I love encouraging her in her creative outlet, the photography which has brought her such a great new lease on life.
Do I place a burden of expectation on Liz? I certainly try not to. As part of the Dare for today, I will ask Liz that question. Possibly I do without thinking of it in those terms. I often forget to put my paperwork away (bills etc). I mean to pay them and then file them away. Maybe Liz feels that I am leaving it for her to do. I hope not - but perhaps my forgetfulness can be a burden of this nature.
Another aspect of encouragement is allowing the other person to be free to be who they are, not trying to make them fit some image we have placed on them. I think I'm ok in that regard, but I will also ask that privately.
Day 27 (27 Dec)
Love encourages.
Build my relationship with Liz by encouragement, not by expectation.
Day 27 (first time through)
* Expectations I have placed on Liz:
To be affectionate and there just for me, especially at dinner time when I arrive home, when she has so much else to deal with, & for her it is the hardest time of day.
* Appreciations I had of Liz right from the beginning:
Her conversation, our dialogue, our open & frank discussions.
Her ability to commit fully in conversation.
Her lovely smile
Her ability to have fun
(And others I have not added here)
* Need:
To talk about our fears
Strength: Greg's comment, that while a lady needs to be loved, & needs affection, her FIRST need in her husband is strength.
If so, my entire premise of nurturing Liz first has been our undoing.
Of course I need to be caring and gentle and expressive and creative, but FIRST I must be strong and dependable. No excuses that I am creative and compassionate will do at all. FIRST be strong, then be me, but never compromise the strength, or I will again undermine the stability of our relationship all over again.
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