Quote from "The Resolution for Men" (after explaining how men have a serious calling from God to love their wives AS CHRIST - laying down our lives daily, not merely to die once but to die to our own selfishness, our own "needs", and to unselfishly give our wives our whole lives and time and hearts:
"If your marriage fails - or is failing - it likely comes down to one key reason: you have not loved your wife like Christ loves the church. Most marriage problems are usually the result of a wife's wounded reaction to poor leadership and lack of love from her husband. A man wants to love a woman who deeply respects and appreciates him, but the kind of man that a woman appreciates and respects is one who sacrificially loves her, who patiently honours her, who lays down his life for her. On a daily basis."
I know I have said that I will be starting The Love Dare from Day 1 soon, but I feel the need here to report on my current thoughts and responses to Day 39, which I have been soaking up for 3 days now. The title of Day 39 is "Love Endures". It is about being constant, unchanged by disappointments or the events of daily life. Just keep loving.
Liz needs to know that I am her rock, just as Christ is mine. That is not trying to replace God in her life, but it is the call of Ephesians 5:25, 28-29. I must be the sort of man, the sort of husband who proves that she can depend on me to be there for her. And that I must not be dependent on her (that is not being Christ to her).
For her security, she needs to see and know that I can be her rock, because Christ is mine. Then she can depend on me to be there for her, because I am not dependent on her. She needs to know that I don't need her to be my rock, when my life demonstrates that my own security is in God. That way I will provide the security that she needs. To be able to count on me, without the pressure of feeling that I expect her to be some sort of security for her.
Day 39's challenge is to write a letter of commitment and assurance to Liz, and to leave it where she can find it. This is a very private and personal thing, but in the spirit of transparency I have chosen to write my letter below:
Dearest Liz,
I want and need to write this note and reassure you of my commitment to you.
I think (& hope) you know in your heart that I genuinely love and support you. However, I want your knowing to not be only because I say I love you, but through my actions as well. I want your heart to know, and for you to actually feel safe and secure because you truly know that I am always committed to you.
I want to apologise for having needed you too much. For being insecure in myself, and looking to you for my reassurance more than God, subconsciously expecting you to give what was not your job to give.
There are needs only a wife can fill - companionship, working together, intimacy, deepest friendship, etc. But a man has to first find his own security in God, and in himself.
A man's role is to be Christ to his wife and kids. To be the solid rock for them, just as Christ is the solid Rock for me. Ephesians makes that clear. I must be for you what Christ is for me. And then you can be secure and free to have your own freedom in God and your own fulfilling life.
I'm sorry I wasn't that man at first. I was extremely insecure and needy. I needed to be needed. But I know I am reclaiming the ground in that direction. I don't think I'm as needy as I was, or as suffocating as I was.
Please know that I am here for you and for all 9 of our kids, whoever will want me to be there for them. I am fully committed to my family and to my responsibilities.
I love you with all of my heart and will never abandon you or turn my back on you. I'm sure there will be many times I disagree with your opinion on something, but I will not put you down or judge you for that opinion. I am much more secure in myself now, and do not need you to have the same opinions as me OR need you to provide my security, self-worth and identity. I hope you have noticed that now I say more often what I think, but we don't actually argue as before. Also when we differ, we no longer have the angry clashes that we too often had.
I respect, honour and love you.
I am here for you, and will continue to be so.
Your loving husband,
Michael
No comments:
Post a Comment